It's been a while since our last update. :) Over six months! It's been hard to for me to sit down and write this post as the last few months have been...hmmm... difficult to put into words. Trying, difficult, challenging, scary, memorable... Honestly, it's been pretty tough over here with lots of ups and downs, unknowns, and coming to grips with a new "normal" in our lives that I'll explain below.
My digestive tract (a thrilling way to start any good story) started having issues around the second week in December after a combination of stress, months of sleep deprivation with a new baby and hormone imbalances and by January my body finally had enough. I ended up being hospitalized on January 14th for seven days with acute pancololitis which was later diagnosed with ulcerative colitis.
During that very long week in the hospital I was on strong steroids to control the inflammation in my gut as well as several other meds to get my body to rest and sleep as I had been running on adrenaline for a while had gotten to the point of being "too tired/wired" to sleep. It was really quite horrible. I don't know if it was the steroids, sleep deprivation, my hormone imbalance or a combination of everything, but I experienced of some of the most intense fear and anxiety I've felt before. I simply could not calm down. So many thoughts (rational and irrational) ran through my head as the fear took over for a time. What did this autoimmune diagnosis mean for me and my future? What if the steroid doesn't work? What if it continues to get worse? And on and on...
It was also terrible being away from my sweet Ian (2.5 months old at the time) and the kids as they were not allowed on the hospital floor. I had to give up nursing while my body was recovering, which was and has been a source of grief for me. I did get to see them a few times when the nurse allowed me to be wheeled down to the lobby to see them. All of those factors combined meant that I was one big emotional wreck and basically in a constant puddle of tears during my stay. Thank goodness for Netflix, which I turned on frequently during my stay to watch nature episodes which helped keep my mind distracted.
I was incredibly blessed to have the support and doting love of my amaaaaazing husband who slept on the recliner in my room each night and drive the hour back and forth from home to help with the kids and take care of me. My sister, Joy came and visited and bringing me magazines and hugs. My church family took care of my kids and cleaned my house (!) and brought us meals.
Home at last!
I'll spare you the details of the many ups and downs over the past five months of my recovery and summarize it by saying God has me slowly brought me to a much more stable place emotionally and physically. Thank you, Lord! Physically, as I've been pensively watching and waiting to see if the current medication will be enough to keep the inflammation at bay, meticulously tracking everything I eat, and working with multiple doctors, I'm thankful to say that I'm currently holding steady, gaining some weight back and seeing small increments of improvement as each month goes by. Emotionally, I'm much more myself, but still struggling off and on with anxiety and fear. Let's just say the past few months have given me a whole new empathy for those dealing with chronic mental health issues! :) I'm learning how critical it is to surrender everything into the Lord's hands. Notice I used "learning" and not "have learned". Yes, I still have a very long ways to go in that area. I have learned just how miserable I can be when I let my mind travel to the land of what-if's. While I still struggle with bouts of fear, I am working with an excellent counselor and learning to lean into the Lord and letting go of my perfectionism, among other things! Whatever the trial, I know in my head that He is faithful even when I'm struggling to trust Him in my heart.
Lots of this...
and this. Thankfully, I'm not taking 90% of these anymore.
It's still a bit of a day by day waiting game to see how my body will respond on this current medication while slowly adding new foods back into my diet and seeing what my new stress tolerance level is. You can pray with us that this current medication would be enough to keep the inflammation at bay so we don't have to move to more aggressive options. The plan is to do a colonoscopy in mid-July to assess how much damage was actually done in January and to help decide about medication moving forward. Pray for us as we are also seeking the Lord for wisdom about other treatment options as I'm not a fan of the idea of being on medication indefinitely.
Okay, that's enough on that topic!
Although my health has pretty much been either all-consuming or a huge part of our lives the past five months, life does go on and we have been glad to have reprieves from thinking about it here and there. Even in just the past month, life has been quite a bit more like normal and I tell you what, I have a whole new appreciation for enjoying and cherishing the ordinary days.
Obviously, he's been doing just fine on formula!
Happy boy!
Ian is now 8 months old and almost walking (seriously?!). The little stinker. Ya know, God knew what we needed when He gave us Ian last year. I can not tell you how many many times during these past few months of dealing with intense fear and anxiety that being able to scoop him up in my arms or just watch him play or make him laugh as been incredibly therapeutic and soothing for me and Micah. God gave us an easy-going and happy baby who is now sleeping through the night- thank GOD! He is just what we need and we thank God for giving him to us even though he wasn't "planned". He brings us so much joy I can't imagine life without him.
Visit with Big Nana!
Those eyes... how can one say no?
"There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
She was very very good,
But when she was bad,
She was horrid."
Except Liza pronounces it "horwid". :) Despite those rare "horwid" spells here and there, she is loving (maybe aggressively loving is a better term) and has the cutest little voice ever as she cannot yet pronounce her K's or G's. She loves to keep up with the boys and even begged me other day to give her a buzz cut like they were getting. Her strange catch phase at the moment is "Bewli Comellin" I have no idea where it came from, what it means, or why it's so fun to say at completely random times. Usually, makes an appearance when she's super excited about something. Or, sometimes it's just "You are a Bewli Comellin", "I want a Bewli Comellin", "Bewli Comellin, yes." or "Bewli Comellin, no." or just an exclamatory "Bewli Comellin!!!" when there's just too many emotions spilling out at once to put into actual words. We just smile and knod most of the time.
Someone got a new bunkbed! He now has bragging rights of having the highest bed in the house. :)
Blake and Seth are doing well and loving summer break from school almost as much as I am!! Blake has a big birthday a few weeks and is turning 10! That's two full hands!
A few highlights from the past six months...
As I was thinking about it, truly the best highlight of this year so far is the fact that my sister has officially moved to the area! I cannot express how deeply happy I am to have her and her sweet family close by. Something we've been looking forward to for years! :)
Charlotte loves to dote on "da baby"!
Liza and Clark are pretty much best friends and are thick as thieves any time he comes over. They like to tell each other what to do and oddly take orders from each other swimmingly.
We traveled to Tennessee to the The Ark Exhibit with the Mahers. I was soo thankful to feel well enough to go on that trip in March. What fun!
I had never thought about how complex the Ark must have been!
A huge highlight last month was the wedding of Jonathan and Kimberly! So grateful to add another sister to the family!
Of course the best thing about weddings is getting to get back together with family! Picked up this guy at the airport...
Scott is doing well and has a few more months stationed in Japan and then on to California for some training.
Charlotte was not too sure about this dude.
Another favorite Grandfather :)
The cousins! Chillin' with a movie before the wedding.
Did I mention Ian is happy ALL the time??
Love this picture!
A few funnies...
"Dead as a dailnor" Liza
"He totally denominated you!" Blake
"Is Alexa in charge of us?" Liza
"I don't have to because I'm Liza" Guess Who
"Well, I love you mucher than that!" Liza
"Can we watch Jack and the Bean Box?" Liza
As Ian had a delayed reaction of crying after being buckled in his carseat, Liza said "He just figurized that he was in his seat!"
Thank you for your prayers for us. Love to you all!
Kari & All
Have had this on the wall next to my computer as a reminder that God's got my future in His hands.
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